What We Can Learn About God from Being (Adoptive) Parents: Romans 8:14-16

“All who are guided by the Spirit of God are sons of God…you received the spirit of adoption, enabling us to cry out ‘Abba, Father!’ The Spirit himself joins with our spirit to bear witness that we are children of God.” Romans 8:14-16 (New Jerusalem Bible)

My wife and I were privileged to adopt a new born girl three and a half years ago, and she’s since developed definite behavior patterns. They include traits we can easily identify as “ours.” Given the lack of biological connection between us, that’s obviously not genetic.

So how did it occur? There seem to be two keys, both of which also show how we adults can pick up traits from our Heavenly Father.

Time Together

First and foremost is lots of time together. My wife is a stay at home mom, my job rarely requires me to work evenings or weekends, and I spend most of my free time with our daughter. The result is that she is almost always with one or both of us. And that is “quality time” in the sense that it’s relaxed and open, with us talking, playing, or otherwise interacting. Our daughter can’t help but absorb our ways because she's saturated with our presence.

That same dynamic is key to our taking on God's personality traits. Time with Him is crucial; the more time we consciously spend in His presence, the more of His characteristics we’ll pick up.

Scripture repeatly stresses the importance of continual interaction with God. It instructed the Israelites to create physical prompts to refocus them on God in the midst of their daily activities, Numbers 15:37-41; Deuteronomy 6:8-9, and describes the blessings that come from keeping God in mind. See Psalm 1:1-2 (New Jerusalem Bible)(“How blessed is anyone who…murmurs [God’s] law day and night”) and Psalm 119:97. Luke 18:1 recounts how Jesus taught the disciples about “their need for constant prayer.” Paul repeatedly stressed the importance of continual prayer in his general instructions to the churches. Romans 12:12, Ephesians 6:18, Colossians 4:2, and I Thessalonians 15:16-18.

Paying Attention

Almost as important is our daughter's perceptiveness of what’s going on in her relationship with us. Although she knows she's unconditionally loved, she’s quick to sense that we're sometimes less than pleased with her behavior and that other conduct makes us happy, proud, etc. In other words, she notices the results of her conduct.

We likewise benefit by paying active attention to the consequences of our actions. We can learn a lot by considering which general behavioral patterns and specfic actions produce godly results and which do not. That analysis, if acted upon, can greatly aid our growth in the Lord.

Scripture commends such analysis. Proverbs 2:2 instructs that we should be “tune[d]…to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding.” Proverbs 4:1 (New Jerusalem Bible) tells us to “pay attention, and learn what understanding is.” Similar instruction is found in Proverbs 4:20, 13:1, 15:31-32, and 22:17.

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In sum, we can take on the ways of our adoptive Father through the same process my adoptive daughter is taking on my wife and I’s ways, by spending a lot of time together and paying attention to the results of our actions. That helps His Spirit “join[] with our spirit[s] to bear witness that we are children of God.” Romans 8:15 (New Jerusalem Bible).

(Other images about conforming/yielding to God were posted at Images from God on September 12a, 18a, 18b, 18d, and 23; October 3 and 3a, November 6 and 21, December 8, 12, and 15, 2004 and January 10d, February 18, May 11, June 18 and 27, August 21 and 27, 2005.

Images about the process of growing/maturing in our walk with God were posted at Images from God on October 3a and 17, 2004; June 11 and 18; July 20, August 21 and 27, 2005.)

A Child's Cries and Our Prayers

It struck me early one morning as my two year old daughter was calling for me that there are parallels between her sometimes urgent cries, our prayers, and God’s response to those prayers.

My daughter sometimes cries with great fervor when she wakes up in the morning, perhaps because of strongly perceived distress on her part, or perhaps because she is uncertain she’ll receive a response. In reality, things are rarely as serious as her cries would indicate and never any doubt that I’ll come quickly.

The same is true of our prayers. We often feel much more distressed than circumstances warrant and sometimes doubt that God will respond. As is the case with my daughter’s cries, neither is usually true. In fact, just as I am already on my way to respond to my daughter’s cries before she knows it, God is preparing answers to our prayers before we know that He’s at work.

(Other images about prayer were posted at Images from God on September 17, 17.1, 17.2, October 8 and 17, November 13 and 19, 2004 and May 27, 2005.)

God Looking in on Us

Every night I look in on my two-year-old daughter (sometimes several times) before I go to bed, and often again when I wake up. I make sure she’s all right, pray over her, and adjust her blankets.

That’s motivated by love; she gives me such joy that I get a little boost just seeing her there. She's usually unaware of my doing so, but that doesn’t mean that her father isn't taking action to help—and love—her.

It’s probably the same way with God. He’s no doubt checking in on each of us, taking care of little things we never notice, just because He loves us. Most of the time we're never aware of it, but that doesn't mean He's not doing it or that we don’t benefit from it.

Sometimes my daughter wakes up briefly, smiles a contented smile, and then goes back to sleep. That makes me very happy. God must feel the same way when we wake up, realize He's there, and let Him know how happy we are that He is.

(Other images about prayer were posted at Images from God on September 17, 17.1, 17.2, October 8 and 17, November 13 and 19, 2004 and May 27, 2005. )

Effective Prayer

“In your prayers do not babble…”
Matthew 6:7 (New Jerusalem Bible)

Anyone who has spent any time with a toddler has experienced “babbling”: the repetition of the same phrase or request over and over again just for the sake of saying it. It’s not meant to annoy, and usually doesn’t, but it just becomes background noise. We hear it, but that’s about it. It’s not effective communication, even though it feels good to the child.

But then there are the times when the toddler focuses and tries to convey a specific message. It may not be (and usually isn’t) perfectly stated, but it stands in noticeable contrast to the chattering, or anything else going on right then, and gets your attention. That’s true even if it’s something she’s said in the same words many times, like “I love you,” “daddy help me,” or “me want milk.” Those focused communications stand out and get a response, even if they’re in garbled form, precisely becuase of their focused nature.

Our prayers fall into the same pattern. Some are mindlessly repeated without any real attention to what we’re saying. They can take the form of liturgy, song, or even private prayers. On the other hand, there are focused prayers, intended to convey specific, individualized, thoughts that are real communication even if we’ve said the same thing in the same way many times before (as in liturgy, song, or private prayer) or if they're akwardly stated. I wonder if God responds to those two types of prayers in the same way we respond to, on one hand, our children's mindless chatter, on the other, and their focused communication.

(Other images about prayer were posted at Images from God on September 17, 17.1, 17.2, October 8 and 17, November 13 and 19, 2004 and May 27, 2005.)

Dealing with "Meltdowns"

Those who have parented a toddler have experienced “meltdowns”: tantrums where even a wonderfully mannered, well behaved, child becomes inconsolable and almost uncontrollable. The cause is usually trivial by objective standards, but terribly upsetting to the child.

The effect is similarly upsetting; the parent can forget about whatever was planned because the normal dynamics of the parent-child relationship are temporarily suspended. Instead, the focus shifts to “damage control,” limiting the disruption and making sure that the toddler doesn’t hurt herself. It’s very frustrating because even if there is a real problem, the child’s reaction only hinders the parent’s ability to address it.

I wonder if our there isn't a similar dynamic between adults and our Heavenly Father. Things come into our lives that are inconsequential from an eternal perspective, but we react terribly because they are terribly disturbing from our limited point of view. That at least temporarily interferes with whatever plans God has for us, and I bet that God, in His perfect love, shifts into damage control mode to get us through it. And just as a child’s meltdown complicates the task of dealing with the underlying problem, our frenzy adds to the mess God must clean up.

So how do we prevent, or at least limit, meltdowns?

We should do what we would like our kids to do: tell our Father what’s bothering us and trust Him will deal with it. That’s not easy, but just as we are eager to soothe our kids’ agitated emotions in the midst of their meltdowns, God is eager to calm us in ours. And just as a parent is better able to deal with the underlying problem than a child is, God can understand and deal with our problems far better than we can—if we will just get out of the way and let Him.

Like Father, Like Son

Sometime in the late 1990’s I, then a 40ish married man, visited my parents for a week at their home. I spent a lot of time with them, and came back acting a lot more like my dad, with his mannerisms (that had always been there to some extent) more pronounced in me.

That was not the result of conscious effort, it just happened. But, as time passed and I resumed my normal life, those mannerisms receded.The same dynamic occurs between us and our Heavenly Father. The more time we spend with Him, the more we will see His nature in our behavior. Conversely, the more we are focused on our own affairs, the more our own nature takes precedence over His.

(Other images addressing the need to conform/yield to God were posted at Images from God on September 12, 18 (part 3), 18 (part 4), 23, October 3 (guitar), 3 (garden soil), November 6, 21, December 8, 12, 15, 2004 and January 10, February 18, May 11, June 18, 27, August 21 and 27, 2005.)

Knowing that We Don’t Know

A toddler can only understand a small part of her father’s life. She knows he loves her, enjoys being with her, and provides for her, but can’t fully understand the depth of those emotions or what is involved in making sure she has what she needs. Moreover, she has little understanding of what he does outside the home or of his life before she arrived. She catches glimpses of these things now and then, but they are mostly beyond her understanding. Sure, she’ll grasp more as she matures, but she’ll never fully comprehend them. But that doesn’t stop her from loving him or him from loving her.

The same is true of our understanding of God. We sense that He loves us, enjoys fellowship with us, and provides for us, but we only perceive a small, small, part of those realities. We have only a vague awareness of what He’s doing in other parts of his creation and only a limited conception of what He was up to before that creation came into being. Although we will learn more the longer we walk with Him, we are inherently incapable of fully understanding Him. But as is the case with us and our children, our inability to fully comprehend God doesn’t limit His love for us.

(Other images about trusting God amidst the unexpected/difficult/incomprehensible were posted at Images from God on November 7, and 15, 2004, and April 25, July 11b, and August 9, 2005.)

Seeing Our Behavior Through the Father’s Eyes

Children’s attitudes towards their parents can fall various places on a continuum, causing differing responses. Sometimes they are disobedient, triggering concern and annoyance. Other times they are obedient, but otherwise oblivious, to them. But sometimes they are loving, showing affection with hugs, kisses, and words. Parents know how much joy that gives.

God, our heavenly Father, likely views and responds to our behavior in similar ways.

At times we are disobedient. We violate God’s general rules or disregard His instructions about particular situations. That must irritate and concern Him, just as our kids’ misconduct bothers us. But He doesn’t stop loving and caring for us, just as we don’t stop loving our kids when they mess up, even intentionally so. He just corrects us and, if we accept it the correction, we’re both happier.

Other times we are obedient but otherwise indifferent to God. We stay within the limits laid out in His word and go about doing what He’s called us to, but don’t give Him a whole lot of thought. That’s probably less distressing than disobedience, but is probably emotionally neutral for God, just as our kids’ self absorbed, but otherwise appropriate, behavior is for us.

But those times we let God know how much love Him must be very pleasing to Him, just as our children’s outpourings of affection are to us. That’s called worship. It can take various forms: living in continual and grateful communication with Him, doing things specifically to please Him, offering loving words in prayer, heartfelt liturgical and musical praise. That's what we should strive for.

(Other images about forgiveness were posted at Images from God on November 27 and December 2, 2004.)

Why God Sometimes Says "No"

Just as I must sometimes respond to my daughter’s requests with a “no” in order to get something done for her or others, God sometimes says "no" to our prayers for the same reason.

(Other images about prayer were posted at Images from God on September 17, 17.1, 17.2, October 8 and 17, November 13 and 19, 2004 and May 27, 2005. )

The Father Can Handle It With Ease, Regardless of How Difficult it Looks to Us.

Just as things that seem impossible to a toddler can be effortlessly achieved by her parent, things that look impossible to us adults are no problem for our Heavenly Father.

(Other images about God’s ability to provide things we need, but can’t provide for ourselves, were posted at Images from God on September 12 and 18, October 3, November 10, 21 and 27, 2004 and January 2, 10, and 10.1, June 13 and 27, 2005.)

Leave The Driving To Him (Proverbs 3:5-6).

My three year old daughter has grasped the concept of traffic lights—“red means stop, green means go”—and was focused on whether I was obeying them as I drove. I was, but she couldn’t see that from the back seat, and kept asking about them. She eventually moved onto other things and we both had a more pleasant ride.

It strikes me that we sometimes relate to God that way. He knows where we're going and how best to get us there, including when we should stop and when we should go. But we don’t have the same view of the road He does, so we get nervous and start second guessing Him, and that makes things more stressful than they need to be. We have a much more enjoyable journey when we relax and leave the driving to Him, being content to move on His better informed timetable.

(Other images about trusting God amidst the unexpected/difficult/incomprehensible were posted at Images from God on November 7, 2004, and April 25, July 11b, and August 9, 2005.)